Do you know your right-wing extremist flags?
A quiz!
I don’t know about you, but I am not particularly up on the latest in insurrectionist flag fashion. I had never heard of the “Appeal to Heaven” flag until I read that Justice Alito had flown it at his beach house for several months last summer (after flying a different insurrectionist flag at his non-beach house in January 2021). Then I learned that serious right-wing baddies are flying the Appeal to Heaven flag everywhere: Leonard Leo flies it at his home. House Speaker Mike Johnson flies it at his office. The people who stormed the Capitol on January 6 carried it with them that day.
How does everyone stay abreast of these flag politics? Does Alliance for Defending Freedom send a memo? Do Sammy Alito, Leo Leo, and Mike spend their sleepless nights on 4chan? Is Sammy your surprisingly online right-wing uncle? Is he actually Q of QAnon????? Do I need to start feeling bad about my pine tree tattoo?????????
In an effort to answer some of these questions (and confuse Google about my identity), I went deep on far-right flags so you don’t have to. Here are six real and six made-up flags flown by right-wing extremists. Can you tell the difference? (I mostly invented their names, but the descriptions are accurate.)
I Pull Out Pennant: You might think this flag is anti-contraception, but in fact it’s pro-weapon. It depicts a grenade with a pin that is just begging to be pulled, next to the words “I Pull Out.”
The Betsy Ross Flag: A classic that commemorates a time when women and people of color had no power.
Pepe Goes Pow Pow Pastiche: A humanoid cartoon frog, which for some reason has become a symbol of the neo-Nazis, holds a pistol pointed at the flag viewer.
Nutty Buddy Bunting: A Norman Rockwell drawing of a squirrel hoarding nuts. The nuts symbolize money. Or guns. Or pillows sold by the My Pillow guy. Choose your own adventure.
I 2nd That Banderole: The white outline of two AK-47s, arranged in the shape of an X, are held in the talons of an eagle. Below the armed eagle appear the words “The Second Amendment Is My Gun Permit.”
Blood Drop Cross: A white cross appears on a red background. In the middle of the cross, there is a drop of red blood. The blood symbolizes racial purity and/or blood shed to protect the white race.
The Ensign of Oppression: A white, all-seeing eye appears on a red background. The eye is not crying because that would be unmanly. But if the eye belonged to a weaker person unable to weather oppression, such as a woman, there would be waterworks everywhere.
The Gold Standard: A stack of gold bars appears on a blue background. Beneath the stack, the face of President William McKinley glowers, silently instructing you to wear a bow tie if you want to be taken seriously as a conservative.
Save Our Children Semaphore: An American flag in which the top stripe has been replaced with the words “Save Our Children.” Who could be against saving our children??? But actually, this is about saving our children from the LGBTQ+ mafia.
Beer for Bros Banner: A picture of Brett Kavanaugh’s face, mid-confirmation hearing, is set on a black background. Before hoisting this flag, the accepted custom is to pour one out at the base of the flagpole.
The California Streamer: This flag is identical to California’s, but it has a man on all fours instead of a bear on all fours because fuck all those women saying they’re more afraid of men than wild animals.
The Vaccine Vigilante Flag: A syringe shoots rainbows, autism, and mercury into the air. Beneath the syringe, the words “Vaccine Liberation Front” appear.
A few concluding thoughts before I tell you the answers:
If we had fewer rich Justices, they would have fewer flag poles with which to embarrass themselves.
This guy, who says he didn’t notice an insurrectionist flag flying at his home for days, is the Justice who claims to be a close-reader?? A textualist????
I am really not convinced that Alito’s blame-the-wife defense is a sign of progress, despite this New York Times opinion piece to the contrary. (At least that piece isn’t as bad as this other recent, faux-feminist New York Times book review.)
Okay, the real flags are 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and 9. But I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that any of the flags I made up are being flown over some right-wing patch of grass!
A few unrelated notes / things of interest:
In reading about William McKinley for this quiz, I discovered that he wore some really wild bow ties and also that Wikipedia has a “list of bow tie wearers.”
Fascinating and terrifying article about the pro-natalist movement.
A woman who left society to live with bears on the “man versus bear” debate.
Sometimes I forget that Angela Lansbury made an exercise video, and then I remember it and how endearing it is.
I wrote an article for Prism about who gets to benefit from changes in the law.
